All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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