What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
