she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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