There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
