I can text with my tongue
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
