Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
