im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
