Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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