Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
