she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
