Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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