Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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