So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
