your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
