Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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