I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
