Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
