I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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