I never want to see another naked old woman again.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
