hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
