Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
