There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
