Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
