just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
