I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
