Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
