you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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