Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
