If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
