i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
