Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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