Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
