Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
