just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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