Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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