stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
zippers are such a cool invention
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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