You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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