In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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