Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
