no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
