I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize