I love black thongs
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
handjob tips. give me some.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
