he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
