sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
