My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
