and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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