My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
