they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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