Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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