she looked like the before picture.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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