Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
