Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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